A Word About My Ratings

I always read movie reviews between half-closed fingers because so many critics tend to give things away. I promise not to do that. That drives me insane. I am not going to give anything away; I’m just going to give a bare-bones plot outline and tell you if I liked the movie or not, and why.

And what’s up with the nit-picking about trivial things? I remember one critic slagging Gung Ho (cute ’80s flick, not much plot but lots of heart) because the film was about a Japanese firm but the title was Chinese. This really put such a bug up his butt; he couldn’t enjoy the rest of the movie. I agree that accuracy is important but if you’re going to have a meltdown over something that picayune you need to quit reviewing and stick with art films. I enjoy those too but sometimes you just need to sit down and enjoy a simple movie.

As far as ratings themselves: everyone uses stars or bags of popcorn. I’m a woman, I like chocolate, and I’m going to use chocolate morsels. I’ll go from zero to four morsels. I can’t imagine half a morsel — like I’d leave that behind — so if something is just between morsels or goes a little beyond, I’ll recommend an appropriate drink to go with the movie.

— Shukti